Opening in your sleep:

I titled this 'opening in your sleep' because that is what you should be able to do. I hate using the word 'should', but I've realized that this is a fundamental part of pickup. I used to use canned openers regularly, but without having memorized them verbatim. I always figured it would sound more natural if I just used the general point of the opener, but phrased it in the moment. I was wrong. When learning pickup, opening is kind of hard. It should not be - there I go again, let me rephrase: it doesn't have to be. If you take any field tested, pua approved opener from the community and memorize it line-for-line, and practice it a few dozen times in front of a mirror, or better yet in front of your wing, you can get it down pat. You will find that you can work out the timing, the pauses, and how each word will sound the best - so that it comes out of you like a superstar PUA.

The issue is what Asmokindeal and I call "temporary autism" - when you put yourself in a stressful situation, out of your comfort zone, such as when cold approaching women - your mind will freeze up, and go into a spiral of anxiety, things such as 'am I coming off well,' 'is my voice sounding right,' and 'do I look nervous,' among 1000 other questions begin to pummel your mind. Because of this, only a few tiny brain cells are actually still working on your delivery of the opener. There is a simple solution, and it can make the difference between staying stuck in the period where just opening is difficult, and you feel like a victor if you just hook, and moving on to more advanced stuff. You are a total victor if you hook - most guys can't even do that. But, if you want to get into some serious social interactions, handling that first critical phase is of utmost importance.

Like I said, I used to believe that if I tried to open spontaneously, even using canned ideas, I would learn how to be more reactive in conversations. What I figured out, the hard way, was that did not lead to many transitions. Opening was such a task that I would be wiped out by the time I finished the opener, if I even did, and would eject because of this.

Now I basically have one opener that I use on all-female sets. I've got it down pat. I can do it in my sleep. What happens now, is that when I go to open the set, although my mind is awash with doubt and anxiety (not action stopping phobia, just the normal anxiety of opening a set that we all deal with in the beginning), the opener still comes out beautifully. I actually find myself saying the words without thinking, and the little part of my brain that is available in the moment can focus on things like body language, projection, eye contact, and body rocking.

This one shift in technique has literally shot my game up one level. I now do not need to worry about opening well. I am more confident, and really do know that when I open a set it is going to hook. My focus has gone from 'can I get them to stop and listen' to 'I've decided to hook this set, now what am I going to do with them?

Right now, I'm back in the newbie phase. I was out of the game for two years and literally had to start over. But, things are coming back quickly, and I know that I can do it. Currently, I am working on transitioning, and good DHV material, and getting to qualifying. But I have opening down. How many aPUA's do you know that can truly walk up to any set and know that they can open them (unless there is some kind of strange obstacle)? It honestly took me a few days to get here, after a couple of months of struggling with opening - just because I decided to memorize that opener like an actor would.

I strongly believe that this is the path to success. As the interaction continues, my comfort builds along with the people in the set. This means that my brain is less blocked up by that initial anxiety, and I can begin to have a more spontaneous interaction - but only because I've programmed it to do that first bit on auto-pilot. If you are a bit of a natural talker, you may not need to do this - but the rest of us, for whom opening a set is not quite natural yet, this can be like a cheat code for a video game - begin work in A2 (for you MM guys), instead of A1. I am planning to do the same thing with my DHV material, push/pull (teasing, whatever you want to call it), and qualifying - basically I am going to pre-program the entire attraction phase into my head so that I can spit it out in any circumstance without having to use the critical thinking part of my mind! Success, here I come.

Maybe once I have worked 2000 sets, and feel like a superstar in any social situation, I will go back to being totally spontaneous from the beginning. But I have had such a jump in success with this method, that I have committed myself to using it until I have worn it out.

Good luck.

Peace, love, and happiness to all you who have decided to improve yourselves by taking on this journey.

SS